As you may remember, last Sunday was Father’s Day. Of course the Sunday message was geared towards fathers and fathering. While I’m no father and have no plans of ever being one – I’ll leave that to my sweet husband – the preacher said something that opened up my ears just enough to hear God say something to me. It was one of those words from the Lord that keeps echoing on in the silence of my mind for days and even weeks later.
It was a simple comment that was made to encourage men, fathers or not, to step up and lead others. “Just because you conceive does not make you a father; and you do not have to conceive to be a father.”
Conceive. My world stopped spinning as God changed my focus.
“You have conceived.”
“But what do You mean, God? I am not to carry Asher, my blessing. How can you say that I have conceived?”
But as usual, as my brain steps in to analyze and contradict, I can’t hear a response to my questions. I’m forced to shift my focus back to the real world and wait for His timing. Over the next week, as I’m engulfed in silence and only my thoughts before bed each night, His words come back to me and the answer begins to become more evident.
Early in her pregnancy, a new momma experiences so much before there is evidence of that child to others. She immediately feels a soulful connection to one that does not yet exist to the world. She envisions future possibilities for that baby – his first steps, his hobbies, his first love – all before he has taken his first breath. A million possibilities begin at conception for that momma. She carries that baby with her from his first moment of life and gets to feel him grow and move before anyone else.
Conception is defined as “the beginning; the origination.”
And that’s where I am. While there is no evidence of my child, we are at the beginning of Asher. He is very much as real to me as a heartbeat on a sonogram because I know that my God has promised him to me and His word does not fail. So I will dream of his firsts and his bests. I will allow my God to grow my heart and mind into that of a mother as he grows the womb of a pregnant mother. I can’t wait to celebrate with others the physical milestones of our journey to meet Asher. But until that time, I will enjoy the quiet and subtle growth within me of the promise of that boy.